What to say to friend who may be contemplating an affair

Long-distance friend seems depressed and may be contemplating an affair.



January 31, 2020 - 4:31 PM

Hello, Carolyn: I have a good friend who has experienced several life disappointments in recent years. Currently, work has separated her from her husband, exacerbating some of their ongoing and unaddressed issues. She is also clinically depressed.

In our two most recent conversations, she has mentioned how frequently men hit on her, and has also discussed how vulnerable she is right now. The two aren’t mentioned side-by-side, but it’s clear she is aware of vulnerabilities and temptations — and that the attentions of other men can be attractive. She also rationalized extramarital affairs when we were discussing a movie we watched together, saying few people are entirely faithful.

I would hate to see her make a choice she cannot reverse while in a period of depression, frustration and vulnerability . . . but this feels out of my depth. What should I be doing to support her? She is seeing a therapist, and I often ask about that but do not know what else to do. — Long-Distance Friend

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