She wants boyfriend to change; maybe she should change her mind

Parent worried that Type A daughter doesn't value nurturing boyfriend's contributions.



June 12, 2020 - 2:53 PM

Dear Carolyn: My 26-year-old daughter is generally happy in her two-year relationship, but during the pandemic, she has become frustrated with her boyfriend’s lack of motivation.

She is a strong-willed, Type A personality. She has a postgraduate degree and a good job, and she is easily motivated to make herself and the world a better place.

Her boyfriend is less ambitious and suits her personality well. He can calm her down and support her but is not a pushover. He is close to his family and has good values. When they met, he partied a lot and didn’t have a full-time job but has since largely completed his high school courses and works full-time at a job he likes. He loves to cook and pampers her with delicious meals. We call him the “daughter whisperer”: One time when she was extremely upset, he took a towel out of the dryer and wrapped it around her. It shocked her into a calmer frame of mind. He’s really quite brilliant.

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