Hi, Carolyn: My boyfriend of two years has a female best friend (they met in college) who lives a couple of hours away. Their relationship is and always has been completely platonic, but my issue is this: My boyfriend spends a lot of time on the computer and they are constantly instant-messaging each other. I’m not talking a few times a week; more like two or three times a day. He often chats online with her while I am visiting for the weekend, and I find this behavior rude and annoying.
When I try to talk to him about it, he just tells me he has never had feelings for her and they are just friends … but he doesn’t ever understand that the real issue is that his “best friend” is taking time away from our being together. I think that in a healthy relationship, your significant other should be your best friend.
How can I get him to understand how disrespectful this is to me, and how much it hurts our relationship? — K.
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